May 28, 2015

Take Your Words and Shove Them

"Were you having an affair?" he asked.

"What? Is that why you think he did it?
I never looked at another man.
Never thought of another man.
Fuck you!" I said.

She is a bitch.
She was having an affair.
Their marriage was on the rocks.
He was having an affair.
He had a drug problem.
He had a gambling problem.
And the list goes on...I heard them all.



Terrible things said about a man who died from mental illness.
Horrible things said about a woman who lost her husband, father of her children and best friend.
Disgusting things said about 2 young boys father and mother.

Do people say terrible things about a wife, marriage and man when he dies of natural causes?
When he dies from an illness?
When he dies in an accident?
Why do sharp and evil tongues come out with suicide?
So much more hurt given to those already hurting.

Fear of the unknown?
Fear of mental illness?
People are evil... but so many more are wonderful, supportive, caring, empathetic, loving, giving beautiful human beings.

I choose them.

I let the evil go.
In the first few months after Pat died, evil words would send me in a tail spin for days.
Words would make me cry, unable to breathe and hurt my deeply broken heart.
That ended. No more.
No more energy given to evil.
Now I laugh and say to myself "ignorant asshat".
Take your words and shove them.
Get informed.
Stop talking.
Be kind.

I"m only giving my energy to myself, the boys, those we love and living a simple and authentic life.

If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.
Didn't we learn this in kindergarten?
Why do so many adults and their children forget this golden rule?
Words will not break me.
Words will not break Jack and Charlie.

Do not let words break you.
Do not give evil energy.
I know it is hard. I know it hurts.
I know people you trust will say things.
People you never expect...
Take a deep breath. Hold your head high.
You know in your heart what is true.
No explanations needed.

Your circle of true friends and family will become small and strong.
Trust them.
Choose them.
Choose you.
You will be okay.


Anonymous said...

Thank you for finding the courage to start this blog. I found you via One Fit Widow on Facebook. I am unwilling to reply to posts there as I don't want my words seen by some of the "asshats" that have made the immensely devastating loss of my husband even worse. My husband took his life and the evilness of a very small but vocal group of people has been astounding. I live in a very small town, have a very public job and struggle each and every day to get out the door in the morning.

I am so sorry for your loss and the pain you and your children endured. Your words have given me hope as I approach the end of my tenth month of life as a widow. With deepest appreciation....

The Widow Project said...

I am so sorry your loss. My heart aches for you. The loss you have endured is heartbreaking and then add the pain of people who judge and are vocal with sharp tongues make it unbearable. Your strength and courage by posting on this blog to quiet the "asshats" and share your story is beautiful.

Keep climbing, getting up in the morning and live. I'm doing it. You can do it.

Hoping you find peace.